I keep track of things mainly that my 4yo says(my life is simply being roasted by a 4yo and cleaning up puke and poop) and since my life is a mess and I have nothing positive to blog about(I do I’m just a grumpy pregnant lady at the moment) hopefully you get some giggles out of this as I organize my “funnies” from the past couple months.
2017Moms: My kids only eat organic&gluten free”
Me: I mean idk what gluten is but my kids boogers are probably organic&they eat those so..
Hey mom when I’m big will I have boobies?
Yeah but big boobies like big people or little boobies like you?
Whats motherhood? I just beat kid1 for beating kid2 w/ an apple core all while holding kid3 who woke up due to the apple beating by kid1&2
Mom can I have a candy
You’ll get diabetes
You said not to be afraid of dying cause I’m going to heaven
*talking to julie*
Don’t feel like a bad mom. One time you walked your siblings barefoot to a bus stop w/o me knowing
Oh. Thx mom u win.
*willow to stranger*
My mom named me Willow because Willow is a princess name but I can fight too so I can cut throats
How is it road tripping with kids? My son just threw an Oreo at my head while going 80 on the highway because apparently he wanted goldfish.
Willow has 3 porcelain dolls and she just told me when people are mean to her the dolls wake up and hurt them… what. WHYAREYOUPOSSESSED
When did you have her when you were 10?
Yes sir. I was 10. Can I have my coffee?
*W squeezing into underwear that don’t fit*
Mom you know when your butt is too big for your undies?
No Willie I can’t say I can relate.
Willow clean your room
*Looks @ my messy room*
Well, well, well mariah. Clean ur room
Dont call me mariah
Dont tell me to clean my room
Before I was a mom I never knew I could ruin someone’s life by not letting them play in their poop.
*W handed me concealer* “here mom, you have those dark things under your eye balls again.” YOURE 4. GO WET THE BED OR SOMETHING🙄 #4goingon16
I just walked into my moms house while she was in the shower, made myself a bowl of food, dropped humans off and left w/o seeing her😂
I fell asleep while the kids were watching tv. For ten minutes.. ten. And woke up to Reid pistol whipping me in the eye with his nerf gun🙄
If you dont MMA wrestle your kids at least 8 times a day are you even a parent? (The answer is no)
I picked W up from the gym daycare &the first thing she did was hand me a paper and say “here this is an invitation to my wedding with Sean”
Reid where’s your nose
*points to junk*
….no. Okay where’s your ears?
*points to junk*
…we’ll try again tomorrow
We stopped at Whataburger between ballet and soccer and W yelled MOM WHAT ARE YOU DOING ITS TACO TUESDAY. It was the best moment of my life
W farted while sitting butt naked in laundry.. stood up, looked and said oh good it was just a fart. I’ve never been more proud/disgusted
Hide and seek is my favorite thing to play with my kids. Especially when they don’t know we’re playing so I’m just hiding by myself